The lost art of single-tasking
‘All the time-saving devices haven’t given us more life— they have confined us in the prison of productivity.’
How to fail the ADOS-2
‘The woman opposite me in this small attic room is observing me. In particular, she is observing me in relation to my neurotype.’
I am no man
‘Intergenerational trauma is, in my experience, often analysed with an automatic alignment of gender: fathers to sons and mothers to daughters.’
Getting better at breakdowns
‘I’m afraid that either someone in my head or someone in my life will judge me for my expression of need.’
When I was sleeping
‘Dreams of being chased can sometimes indicate social anxiety, or hint at the fact that there's something you've been avoiding.’
A tender kind of alchemy
‘It’s no coincidence that when I accepted the anger I felt about the abuse I faced, I became proactive in my pursuit of being a writer.’
Before the waves come
‘The scab of my real self lies under these bandages of poetry, vodka, and sex, and I’m not ready to open it.’
How to make the most of microdosing
‘This is your chance to work through your blocks and limiting beliefs and superspeed the process of implementing empowering mantras and new, healthy routines.’
Trust issues
‘How when you were eleven you would hide at the bottom of the linen closet in the guest bathroom that no one ever used.’
I didn’t ask to be crazy
‘Many people in my life see me as a bubbly, chill girl, a competent human being. It is an image I have carefully crafted over the years, and it takes a lot of energy to uphold.’
I lay amongst the stones
‘I marveled at their defiance while simultaneously fearing for their ultimate demise.’
How to hold your abuser to account
‘I want you to join me. I want you to feel your anger, turn it into rage, hold him to account within yourself for what he has done, find your strength, and feel the euphoria that I felt when I found mine.’
Reclaiming blood
‘I am now the site of a scientific experiment. Wires are connected to the cannula in the back of my hand and another at the crook of an elbow. Unnamed liquids flow in.’
Seven days in the teenage psychiatric unit
‘Nurses would follow me down the halls, counting my steps with a ticker. I wasn’t allowed to participate in the daily outdoor walks to conserve calories. I was stuck in the stale hospital air and harsh lights.’
To claw one’s way out of a shame spiral
‘I found – with enough work – I was able to sublimate the urge to detest myself into other outlets. I could convert this force into art; into kindness; into a force for creation.’
A pandemic-shaped path to sobriety
‘Why did I feel the pressure to drink even when there was no one to pressure me?’
red white & pink all over by E.M. Lark
‘I am on the verge of twenty-six. The country is again on the verge of destroying human rights.’
To the humanitarian who sexually abused me.
‘You do not get to be exonerated because this was ‘a different time’, because as a society we spoke less about consent, because rape culture and toxic masculinity were challenged less often than they are now.’
Five days of silence
‘Something no one tells you about going on a silent retreat, the thing they neglected to put in the FAQs, is that at some point you will come face-to-face with your darkness.’
Navigating mental health as an Asian femme
‘It is exhausting to try and explain your own trauma, let alone the trauma of an entire community, to people who don't understand or even contribute to it.’